ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   I will not apologize for being awesome.

   Am I the only one who thinks that they should be a bracket style tournament for the gangs on Gangland? I would definitely put the DVR to some good use. .

   "Bacon is meat candy."

   It's that time of year again when I don't need the refrigerator to keep the beer cold.

   wants to point out that real men don't sparkle unless he just got back from the titty bar.

   I wish people would understand I only sing when I'm drunk and that little shot of wine in church just doesn't cut it.

   please don't get your last minute presents from a gas station. If you do rembe Grandma gets the candy or the beef jerky not the condoms. Don't ask me how I know this.

   Please don't get your last minute presents from a gas station. If you do remember Grandma gets the candy or the beef jerky not the condoms. Don't ask me how I know this.

   It only took 6 drinks but I'm starting to feel the Christmas spirit.

   I may still be single but I know that I have saved a lot of money on a wedding and even more on the divorce.

   trying to think of a good way to show off to everyone the superman underwear I got for Christmas.

   It's a Red Bull kind of day.

   New Years Eve – one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early. I just hope I'll be sober enought to drive from work to the bar.

   If I ever own a bar I'm going to name it "church". I'll also get a Mexican bartender named Jesus.

   Snowman hunting is good training for the zombie apocalypse.

   Taboo jeopardy is a lot more fun to play. Maybe because I know the answers.

   Chocolate chip cookie dough has a warning to not eat it raw. Who in their right mind is not going to do that. I can't even remember the last time I got cookie dough and made them into cookies.

   Someone give Bruno Mars a grenade and pull the pin. I'm getting sick of that song. She dosen't love you, I don't wanna hear about how your stalking her.

   So if you don't know the local language and need to find a restroom. The universal sign is to act like your holding your penis and making a hissing sound. Don't ask me how I know this.

   Was told to set an example. So I picked to be a bad example