Y.P Funny Status Messages

   Feels sorry for skinny people, I know this girl who is so skinny that she has to run around in the shower just to get wet....

   My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...

   I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.....

   Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in....

   What do you get if you eat a Blackberry ? ... A Bluetooth.....

   First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has...

   - My mates were arguing over whether a glass was half empty or half full. So I took the glass and put the contents into a smaller glass. Problem f***ing solved...

   • I've just been told that the invisible man and a ghost are going to have a fight... But I just can't see that happening.

   I'm fed up of people challenging my ethics and saying I don't do enough to better the world. Even my coat is recycled, It used to be a leopard

   --- I hate farmers, the're always spreading sh*t

   Your mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed just to measure how long she slept.

   My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave." I said, "You pack them."

   My girlfriend has a cracking body. .... I think it's eczema.

   Wife came home from shopping, I asked her why she had to spend over £100 on makeup. She replied "It's so I can look pretty, why do you have to waste so much money on beer". I told her it was to make her look pretty. Had to sleep on the sofa that night.

   -- I come from a long line of Conga dancers.....

   -- If pubs don't serve really drunk people why do Mcdonalds serve really fat people?

   -- Magazine collectors, they have a lot of issues....

   -- I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I'm calling it a 'Towel'. .....

   If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman - or a new car. ....

   - So what if I can't spell armaggedon?..... It's not the end of the world. .....