Vito Funny Status Messages

   I can't wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.

   I'm addicted to cold turkey and I don't know how to quit it.

   What's the right age to tell a highway he was adopted? Wont be long til he realizes he doesn't look anything like me

   I just realized I make the same noises when I eat pizza that I do during my "happy time"

   I want to get a Henna tattoo that says "Forever"

   I keep hitting the "escape" key...but I'm still here

   I just saw a Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar together. I have a feeling something funny is about to happen

   This is today 8====> and this is me (_!_)

   I wish the rest of me was as tan as my left arm

   I'm in the mood for Sushi but the Japanese place near me doesn't take credit cards. I'm gunna have raw toast instead.

   Had Mexican for dinner last night and just used a BP restroom. Let's just say we're almost even.

   Tonite I feel like drinking until it looks like Jim Joyce made the right call.

   I can't wait to go home and rip off my ex-girl friend's underwear!! They have been giving me wedgies all day

   I caught myself updating my Facebook status in my sleep & I think I actually would've posted it if the rumble strips on the highway didn't wake me up first.

   According to my nipples, I'm freezing!

   I wish I could delete all the cookies I ate last night

   My bank just called me because of suspicious activity on my debit card. They couldn't believe I bought a gym membership either.

   I wish I had more middle fingers.