Timboss Funny Status Messages

   The only reason I would want to see Donald Trump elected as president is so we could see what his hair does when he gets off of that big helicopter...

   seeing William and Harry all decked out in their uniforms yesterday.. I kept expecting them to break into that Sondheim tune from "Into The Woods" AGONY!

   Dear Osama bin Laden... WINNING! .. Yours truly, Charlie Sheen..

   Attention Al Qaeda recruits: Due to recent events, practice on the hand over hand monkeybars will be cancelled indefinitely.

   I hate when my winks and happy faces are split.. and continued on the next line :-/

   I just went to that God wants you to know app.. It said, "Nothing" :-/

   needs some comfort food.. Oh wait! I ate it already.. :-/

   I'm sorry Febreeze.. I don't believe the commercials where you take the two blindfolded women into a crack house and the kitchen with the decaying meat tray and they smell Yosimte National Park.. :-/

   Quote of the week "Tactically, it's all going as planned.." Qaddafi

   just saw where the movie "Ground Hog Day" is coming on tonight.. Oh.. Wait a minute.. That's President Obama's job speech.. sorry

   I really should bring the chair at work home with me so I can get some sleep at night...

   Can you imagine how different the story would have been if Fritz hadn't dropped the "normal" brain?

   Nothing aggravates me more than to hear a career politician say, "I am not a career politician."

   I hope my CEO doesn't come here as the Undercover Boss cause I'd be like, "Ahh, don't worry about that mess. It'll be there tomorrow... BREAK TIME!"

   it just me? Or are the three finalists at the end of Funniest Home Videos never the funniest?

   Gee honey, I would have taken the trash out.. But I slipped and fell into the lifeboat..

   When going out for sea food, I always order shark steak. Not because I like it.. but to show THEM who is really on top of the food chain.

   My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.

   I just went out and witnessed the transit of venus.. Now I have no retinas...

   Rest in Peace Sheriff Taylor.. You will be remembered and loved.