SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Best Catch At The Home Run Derby Of All Time! Dude jumps from a ledge that's a few feet above a pool that's in right field, catches the ball, and lands in the pool! WINNING!

   The stuff I never tell anyone is so much more awesome than the stuff I tell everyone.

   Tattoos are bumper stickers for the soul.

   I recommend you chickens learn to talk. Nobody ever said, "Let's go get a bucket of parrot."

   What's the point of the Psychic Hotline if they won't tell me where my other shoe is?!?

   The majority of life's greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.

   Why don't people ever hoard good stuff? I if I were a hoarder, I'd have a house full of cupcakes and slip-n-slides.

   I'm seriously as bored as a vegetarian gay guy at hooters!

   Forrest Gump taught us a strange life lesson: Be completely unaware of all success you've achieved and you'll own 50% of a billion dollar shrimpin' company.

   I wish I could commute by roller coaster.

   All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.

   Everyone has the capacity to learn from their mistakes. I learned a lot today.

   Dear Raisin Bran: Two scoops my a$$.

   If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?

   The surest sign that there is intelligent life somewhere in the Universe is that it hasn't tried to contact us.

   What all do I want on my 5 dollar footlong you ask? Let's just say I want you to have to sit on it like a suitcase to get it to closed when you're done.

   That'll do, Jamie Lee Curtis. I think we are all now sufficiently aware of how well and often you poop. Enough.

   I still say they would sell way more PT Cruisers if they would just put a ZZ Top logo on the side.

   I'm convinced that you could start a fire with the insides of a just nuked Hot Pocket.

   Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.