Smeebert Funny Status Messages

   Terrorists are like salmon, life is good until the seals show up

   finally its Jail for Whitey Bulger, brings a new meaning to tighty Whitey

   What good is one phone call in jail if they won't let me use my cell to find the number, no one remembers phone numbers these days!

   went to a movie tonight with 18 blonds!!! they said because 18 and under was not allowed

   Kate plus eight is being cancelled, I think we can all together say eight times....thank God!

   Celebrities of old had talent and class! Why then are the likes of the Kardashians and Hiltons considered celebrities when they have neither?

   my sleep number is 80 proof

   In memory of 9/11 I am teaching my kids the pledge of allegiance like everyone was taught when I was a kid

   Just watched 'Pan Am" ….. Now there's an example where the union seniority killed the industry, all those lovely stewardesses are now old flight attendants

   If I were a midget I would so score candy on Halloween

   We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process

   Thank you hot syrupy flavor, every morning I wake to savor, I drink you with one eye sleepy that fact I can rhyme this early is kinda creepy

   my kids enjoy the free cardboard box and balloons the most

   11 was quite a popular number. Next year it'll be all about 12

   “Thanksgiving dinner price highest in 20 years” PLAN: I'm putting together a list of Thanksgiving invites......stop in say hi, hug everyone, grab a plate and go to next house, cheapest Thanksgiving in 20 years!

   Dreamt I was forced to eat my way out of a ginger bread house

   Alec Baldwin wouldn't have been booted from the plane today if he played the part of the pilot

   Brees created quite the Hurricane in New Orleans tonight

   hors d'oevures now there is a word that snooty people like to use regularly, most of us just say "snacks" and we survive the holidays just fine.

   Wow I guess David didn't beat Goliath, Tim Tebow did... what a game.