Oregon Funny Status Messages

   A friend said lunch tomorrow and lets go "DUTCH" So I showed up with my DUTCH oven ready to go..

   All this news about Zombies you better go get your Zombie vaccinations..

   How long will it take our government to have a zombie vaccination

   Obama got pulled over today and they asked him for his birth certificate and school transcript

   Stopped by the apple store to see if they have a better phone than the Samsung Galaxy S3......ilaughed

   Big bird is now out of "WITNESS PROTECTION"

   Now that a billonaire in Mexico is going to buy out Hostess the twinkie will come in 3 flavors. Hot, Medium and mild.

   I went to the store to buy a Hallmark card that says " So sorry you are unemployed and homeless" I am crossing my fingers that you get your house back, sue the bank and never have to work again.

   Dear Department Store Bathroom Cleaner: Please use less WAX. When I go to the bathroom I am really not in the mood for doing the splits......

   Dear Santa, Do not eat any cookies from Colorado and Washington this year.. May cause drowsiness.

   It's beginning to look a lot like 80s on my ATARI 7800 system

   Can they make band aids that are easier and faster to unpack so I don't bleed to death?

   What happened in 2012 stays in 2012...

   No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report because I already have a inferiority complex.

   Roses are red, violets are blue... How much do your facebook friends know about you?

   Has anyone attempted "The Drive Thru" in reverse??

   Unemployment is up but so are Michelle Obama's BANGS.....

   Subway is not the only one being sued for lying about their length......

   What is up with all these Government drones? I can't even fly a freaking kite anymore.

   In Florida where you literally get a grave built-in to your house...