Onecuwldood Funny Status Messages

   I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

   I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

   The best things in life are free...............So how many kittens do you want?

   I went to my acupuncturist today. He told me to take two thumbtacks and call him in the morning.

   Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?

   Never pick a fight with an ugly person;........They've got nothing to lose.

   Hard work never kills anybody who supervises it.

   The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.

   Two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One said to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets."

   "Vegetarian" is an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

   If you're attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!

   Woke up with several traffic signs and safety cones in my bedroom... What did I do last night?

   How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?

   It's official, I'm not gonna remember unless there's a Facebook event for it...

   I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lens...

   Well, it's easy to tell I'm married. It's Friday night and I'm at home updating my facebook status...

   The current administration is finally getting through to people. I can not count how many people I saw going "Green" yesterday! These are truly exciting days!!!

   Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.

   Red wine goes with meatloaf, right?

   If these walls could talk, I'd move out because having talking walls would a little freaky...