M.A.C. Funny Status Messages

   Thank You Kellogg's® Crunchy Nut™ cereal for the great slogan “It's morning somewhere”…Now, when I have afternoon or evening wood for no apparent reason, I have an answer….

   you ever had that one friend that you don't like to eat with, cause they chew their food like their mad at it?!?

   Women are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get...so you should sample them all...maybe eat a few too...

   Buddy of mine said, “you need to take the bull by the horns”….I told him that he should go first, and after they put the bull down for mauling him, I'd just take him with steak sauce….smarter not harder folks….

   Strategies' are like women…some come quickly…some take some work…and some can have multiple outcomes…However, sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands…

   Alright look...I'll be honest, those pants make your ass look like your inner child grew up, and decided to invite some friends over...

   I have a heart on...you know, so nobody tries to pinch me today...

   now accepting applications for a Valentine...Requirements as follows : 1) Pulse 2) Female...as the day progresses, requirement #1 may become negotiable...

   working on harnessing the addictive component in meth…figure if I can bottle it, fast food companies and ugly people everywhere would pay me millions for it!!!!

   And now, a few words by Stevie Wonder... ".. ...:.. ::.... .. . .:.:: ... :.::..." Pretty deep right? I damn near cried when he said, ".:.:: ... :.::..."

   I bet Chick-fil-A is disappointing to a cannibal...misleading at best...

   Just got into an argument with a voice automated response system on the phone…It hung up on me when I said ‘I used to finger your grandmother'….

   If you were stranded on a deserted island with only a solar powered cd player, and a bieber cd........ how would you kill yourself?

   Sometimes I like to press ‘2' for spanish….and scream, “LA MIGRA!!!! RUN FOR THE TUNNELS!!!!!”

   I call bullsh!t!!...only took about 10 min's and the water was boiling…watched it the entire time….

   I bet everytime a sports announcer says, "Kobe's takin' it to the hole..", his jeweler gets a woody...

   I think 'supervision' isn't nearly as cool as it sounds...

   Just took the 'road less traveled'...found Waldo...

   Dear REALLY Cool Car Owner, Seems your car felt the need to take 2 parking spots today…I read once that this is caused by a lack of social skills, so that is why I dinged it up a bit, and left this message via key…just trying to help it ‘fit in'�

   so today is Presidents' Day and I'm a bit confused...are we supposed to misplace our birth certificates and not salute the flag today?