Gman Funny Status Messages

   Some women are born to greatness, some have it thrust into them.

   I'm not sure what this guy shaking a cup of change at people wants. He must just be bragging that he has change.

   I don't need no fancy pants book learnin' to know that xenophobia is the fear of warrior princesses.

   In a new poll, 80% of Japanese women admit to having faked origami.

   If Obama really wanted to impress me, he'd somehow combine Missouri & Oregon to make a "Show me your beaver" state.

   We had social networking when we were kids too... I think it was called "outside" back then though.

   Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.

   99 years ago today, the Titanic chose to hit an iceberg and sink rather than spend another day listening to Celine Dion.

   First that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!

   I figured out a great way to pick up women. I painted my car to look like a taxi.

   I like sleeping with deaf women because I can shout out any name I want to.

   I haven't dated Miss Right yet, but I have dated Miss Guided, Miss Directed, Miss Conduct, Miss Fire, Miss Demeanor, & Miss Ellaneous.

   Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.

   I've been retracing my steps and now I have all these outlines of feet on my floor and still no keys.

   After marriage, sloppy seconds means not licking the cake batter spoon first.

   I only make a lot of spelling and grammar errors because I have type-o blood.

   Ooh, baby. Can you do that thing to me with your mouth? You know. Shut it and don't speak. Oh yeah. That's feels awesome.

   Gatorade's motto is "Is it in you?" ... Coincidentally, that was also MY motto the first several times I tried to have sex

   Sarah Palin wants to trade Mark her name. What the hell's Mark gonna do with it??

   "How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?" You don't understand how sex works, do you, Michael Bolton?