Fazzella Funny Status Messages

   My neighbor, Jen, gave me a vitamin. Turns out it was a vitamin for women. I've been getting dressed for the past 2 hours and still can't find the right pair of shoes to match my pants.

   I've finally come to grips with the fact I'm old. My family held an outdoor birthday party for me, and when they lit the candles, the Girl Scouts appeared out of nowhere, circled the cake, and began to sing Kum Ba Yah.

   Psychologists and Psychiatrists need their heads examined.

   I got replaced as Romeo in the high school play because the girl playing Juliet kept stabbing herself in Act I.

   Okay so plus size is in. That lets me out. I'm calculus size.

   The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia.

   I saw a science show on how we're merely energy sources who come back as other energies in subsequent lives. I can see it now, I'll be a 9 volt battery in a transistor radio from the 60's tuned to an Elvis only station.

   I now hold it in my hands. Finally. The expressed written consent of the National Football League.

   When asked my weight, I give what it is on the Moon.

   You have to figure that Shaquille O'Neal never signs greeting cards "Love, Shaq" because that band the B-52's came out with that song and pretty much ruined it for him.

   Met a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

   A Dog Calls 911: 911: What's the emergency? Dog: My owner threw a ball but I can’t find it 911: Did you check his hand? Dog: Of course I checked his han—DANGIT!!!!!

   An asteroid and volcanic eruptions wiped out the dinosaurs. Technology and the misuse of it will wipeout mankind.

   Q.What do you call a dog with 2 inch legs and metal b@lls. A. Sparky

   Kat Denning's b00bs are the life preservers which save 2 Broke Girls.

   I thought that Pokemon Go was a facebook app that encourages Jamaicans to use the Poke feature.

   Pokemon Lives Matter

   I'm trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.

   Black Olives Matter

   If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course; He'll shut up once you let him in.