Cj Funny Status Messages

   Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

   Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

   After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

   girls have unique powers they get wet without water, bleed without an injury & make boneless things get hard.

   No more b!tch pills for YOU miss crabby A$$

   I may be the girl of us two, but I think I've proven I've got way more balls.

   So put that in your juice box and suck it!

   If Tylenol, duct tape and a band-aid can't fix it...you've got serious problems.

   Earthquake in Mexico. 50,000 dead. England sending money, France sending food, US sending Replacement Mexicans. Pack your sh!t up, you're going home.

   I don't get drunk .. I get AWESOME!!

   The international symbol for marriage is a white flag.

   When God closes one door he opens another. I just hope it's not a trap door.

   He always has the same expression on his face; “only a mother could love.”

   They say humans evolved from apes but there are some people who make you reconsider.

   Clothes are half of what makes a man who he is. Take your favorite super hero, put him in drag, is he still your favorite?

   When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only I suffer!!!

   1.Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

   If the game doesn't freeze every 6 minutes, then you're not watching FOX.

   House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.

   Used to have a life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!