Brian Funny Status Messages

   After playing Call Of Duty online, I'm convinced that I would not last 10 seconds in a real war.

   I hate going to a restaurant and my girlfriend orders food and ends up picking out of my plate.

   I wonder if those guys who stand in the corners and flip those billboard signs around all day actually applied for that job or did they lose a bet?

   Your cellphone is practically glued to your palms but the minute I call, you all of a sudden had your phone in your purse?

   When men lie, it's to avoid an argument. When women lie, it's to ruin lives.

   I hate when they print out a receipt and there's an option for Tip before you put the Total Charge. I'm not going to tip you just because you printed out my receipt!

   Would it kill you to just get this right for once? There, Their, They're - There is a place, Their is something that belongs to them, They're is short for They Are

   The grass IS greener on the other side, but the gardener does not always show up.

   You know you're getting old when you hide the year of your date of birth on your profile.

   It was so hot today I had to stick my head in the oven just to cool off...

   You know the economy is bad when you call the bill collectors to make a payment and their answering machine says there is an 8 hour hold time and to try your call again later.

   You're like a drug to me, not only am I hooked on you but you're also ruining my life...

   You know you're in love when you're standing in line at Forever 21 making a return on a dress and panties that your girlfriend was too embarrassed to do herself!

   4 hour naps suck! I don't even know whether it's daytime still or night time already...

   Why, when my dad left his phone in the car his phone rang and the ringtone was "Love in this club" by Usher???

   and why, when I answered the phone, it was a guy on the other line??

   I would TGIF, but he scheduled me to work Saturday ...

   **News Flash** The real NFL refs will be back on the field tonight for the Browns/Ravens game. In other news, Footlocker hired a bunch of people and are now fully staffed again.

   City girls slip and slide, Country girls grip and ride!!

   I don't understand why they're making such a big deal over the Tesco burgers..... Seriously, how many times have you said I'm so hungry I could eat a horse????