Banjaxed Funny Status Messages

   Just wrote a new song "I Can't Get Over a Girl Like You So Get Up and Answer The Phone Yourself"

   My wife decided to take up violin with good intentions but she couldn't decide which chin to rest it on

   My Uncle always told me our side of the family had Irish Alzhiemers , That's where you forget everything but the grudge

   I AM THE BOSS OF THIS HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY G.........hang on gotta go , I think I hear my wife coming

   When people ask me if I want to stay on their friends list I just send a short message saying "Don't Taze me Bro"

   WARNING: if you see posts offering free clip of the new Nickelback album DO NOT CLICK. It links to a free clip of the new Nickelback album.

   I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bott

   Today a 5 foot tall grashopper spit in my face, I went to my doctor and he did tell me he heard there was a really nasty bug going around

   Either you love bacon or you're wrong

   I may be old but I got to see all the cool bands

   She's been pounded more times than Johnny Bench's catchers mitt

   Great news for YOU , I found a prostitute that charges by the inch, I obviusly can't afford her but I figured I'd pass it onto you so you could enjoy a cheap night out

   AMISH DRIVE BY SHOOTING:................."Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Cop....bang bang bang bang bang bang....Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip clop

   I think the first time I realized I was dyslexic was when I went to a Toga party dressed as a goat

   Did you hear about the Nascar driver who turned to boxing....he ran around the ring 300 times then knocked the guy out

   How Many Blondes Does It Take To Change A Diaper......................Ask Hugh Hefner

   If you play a Nickleback song backwards you will hear Satanic messages, even worse, if you play it forward you'll hear Nickleback

   OFF is the general direction in which I would like you to Fuck

   I just bought a Dyson ball cleaner.......I should read the intructions because I'm pretty sure I'm not usng it properly

   Revenge .....Naaaaa , I'm too lazy , I'm just going to sit here and let Karma Fvck you up