AZ Funny Status Messages

   This McDonalds sandwich is delicious, and my heart will be thanking me in the future, when it gets to quit working early.

   Tip of the day # Never accept an invitation to go hunting with cannibals. You may be Plan B.

   Every so often I'll listen to my mom talk non stop for like 5yrs at a time to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.

   Death defying. Pffftt. This is my 21,205th consecutive day of defying death.

   "No" - Old Irish Proverb

   If guys could get pregnant there would be an abortion clinic on every corner and plan B would come in variety flavor packs

   Tip Of The Day # 12232013 (for novice surgeon doctors ) " The way to a man's heart is through his stomach "

   According to my Nike fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.

   Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words.

   You have the most beautiful lies I've ever seen

   First woman on Moon: -Huston, we have a problem? What? -Never mind What's the problem? -Nothing Please tell us? -You know what's the problem