Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Due to the scare of Dec 21, 2012, my "Baby Boom" Prediction should be coming up right on schedule this month and in September.

   Considering their thousand-year old dirty little secret, I wonder if the Vatican gets Amber alerts?

   Nothing says Responsibility like a woman taking her birth control pill with a shot of Tequila.

   You're born looking like your parents, but you'll die looking like your decisions.

   I wonder if clouds look down on us and say "Hey look! That one looks like an idiot."

   So you go to college to get a job so you can have a job to pay for college. Then you spend all your time at work and end up with no time to live the life you're working for....Ok...interesting plan.

   Seems like everything is going according to plan as usual. The media is distracting the public masses with Miley Cyrus, not seeing that the U.S. is gearing up for another useless war with Syria....'They' got you by the balls.

   A JOB you say? You mean when the person @ the top (CEO) makes the most money, then the vice-president below, then middle management, then store managers/supervisors, then the hard-working employees at the bottom. Hmmm looks like a pyramid scheme to me.

   Oh...Jehovah Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween they say. I guess they don't appreciate random stangers coming to their front door.

   If this God wanted to impress me with his miracles, he would've impregnanted Joseph and not a poor, unwed teenage girl. That sh|t happens everyday.

   [You're choking]:---- I have two choices: Do I perform the Hiemlich Manuever or should I just stand there and pray for you?.........Science: 1 , Religion: -10

   A Bieber should've been in that car instead of a Walker.

   You want to put friendship to the test? Put both your spouse and your dog in the trunk of the car for an hour. Open up the trunk to see who's really happy to see you.

   Dear Kanye West,--- Take the diaper off your daughter and put it around your face. A lot of crap has been coming from it lately

   Ants kill around 30 people a year......Marijuana is safer than ants.

   Don't tell me what they said about me, tell me why they're comfortable telling you.

   For once in my life, I like to push a cart in Walmart, let it go and roll for at least two feet straight WITHOUT fu¢king turning left on its own.

   I spilled ice out of my cup while I was outside and all of a sudden, my state has shutdown.

   I bet you'll never see a fight break out in marijuana clubs.........

   Be careful of those who pat you on the back. They might be looking for a soft spot to plant the knife.