Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I don't care how I die just as long as it's my fault.

   Maybe instead of running your mouth you should try jogging a few miles to sweat that hatred out.

   I try to avoid nice people so they can stay that way.

   You haven't experienced awkwardness and felt like a complete idiot until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.

   People with a sense of humor are so much easier to talk to and get along with.

   Boy, they don't like when you go up for seconds at church.

   Ladies; loving your husband comes down to 2 simple points. 1. Accept his flaws. 2. Point them out when losing any argument.

   Behind every successful man is a woman, and behind her is me checking out her ass.

   If I call you cupcake it's because I'm probably going to put my vanilla frosting on your forehead.

   Heard someone died from eating a meal that wasn't Instagrammed.

   The smallest compliment from the right person, changes the whole game.

   If you see a prisoner or a married man asleep, do not wake him perhaps he is dreaming of freedom.

   I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver.

   I thought I had a real feeling today. Turned out I was just sober.

   The first time a woman swallowed my stuff, I was so appreciative that I swallowed her bullshi t for the next two years.

   If Obama was really Kenyan he would have won the race by now.

   Tomorrow you'll be able to stop hating people for their political views and go back to hating them for their personality!

   I fell in love today. So what have you guys done to ruin your day?

   My brain will dispose of you in a split second, my heart on the other hand will hold on like a hoarder.

   I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six.