Funny Status Messages
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WTF..Is the statue of liberty doing in my back yard...!!! 
Dance your cares away Worry's for another day Let the music play down at...
People keep saying how strong stomach acid is but I am pretty convinced that corn can kick it's butt.
My new girlfriend really takes my breath away!!......She's inflatable.
I AM THE BOSS OF THIS HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY G.........hang on gotta go , I think I hear my wife coming
The philosopher has never killed any priests, whereas the priest has killed a great many philosophers.
Dear Sir, Since taking your body building course, I have a 44 inch chest, a 32 inch waist, 17 inch biceps and an 18 inch neck. I feel great. I also feel that my chances of marriage are spoiled. Sincerely, Mary Goldberg
It's funny how Lady Gaga can pull off a man better than a woman.
Jesus is proof that abstinence doesn't work.
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today. Its her or FaceBook. You people better be worth it.
My wife tried to buy something online yesterday.... Anyone know how to get a credit card out of a floppy drive?
it takes a carter to get a reagan
Friends are like potatoes if you eat them they die
yo mama's so old she has an autographed copy of The Holly Bible.
Dear vegetarians, my food sh!ts on your food.
No strings attached, your love is so wi-fi
Single? No, I'm just in a relationship with freedom.
Who ever made up the term "marital bliss" probably was the same genius who made up other phrases like military intelligence, pretty ugly, and authentic reproduction.
I don't believe it's merely a coincidence the the letters in Frito Lay can be rearranged to spell "oily fart".
I accept exceptions except when accepting them would be unacceptable because I'm exceptional. 