Funny Status Messages

   Can Kill Two Stones With One Bird.

   you are part of my 99 problems.

   Dont think he gonna watch the african nations cup... 347 shots and only 3 on target..?

   Winter always reminds to think ahead for the springtime...meaning...gotta find somewhere to hide the bodies when the snow thaws.......

   "A lion attacks a bull of eats him in just a few minutes.When he is done he lets out a loud roar.while he is roaring a hunter comes and shoots the lion killing him instatly.Moral of the story:when you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut!!

   wonders if Conan O'Brien feels like the red headed step child of NBC? .....oh wait, he does have red hair!

   Honk if you love Jesus! Text while you drive if you want to meet him!

   it just her or did anyone else thing we would be living like the Jetsons in 2010?!

   just her or did anyone else think we would be living like the Jetson's in 2010?!

   says the sad part of being strong is that nobody bothers to ask when you're hurt.

   says the hardest part of being independent is that people may think you're better off alone.

   I'm worse at doin my best

   took a viagra pill today but it got caught in my throat and not I have a stiff neck.

   Someone stole my identity...its okay though, they gave it back when my kids called him daddy

   Spent two hours trying to lick his elbow...brought back memories of an akward time during puberty

   Scientists now say that within 40 years, robots will be doing most of the jobs we don't want to do, especially illegal robots from Mexico.

   A man in Washington D.C. was apprehended by the Secret Service for taking off his clothes and jogging naked near the White House. In related news, this is probably the last time Joe Biden ever takes Ambien.

   this cold weather doesn't bother me. It's the weaklings who b!tch about it that get on my nerves.

   going to see the wizard. I need a brain. Thats what my GF said.

   So Mark McGwire has admitted to using steroids. In other shocking news, Snoop Dogg has admitted to using marijuana, and Bill O'Reilly has a big mouth.