nfl OR football OR superbowl Funny Status Messages

   Half the world is in a race war and the other half is running around catching Pokemon with their phones, and I'm just sitting here on my couch waiting for football season.

   Tim Tebow speaking at the Republican National Convention guarantees the Republicans have no shot at winning the Superbowl next year.

   I'm glad it's college football season again, now we have an excuse to drink at 10:00 AM on a Saturday.

   High School In 5 Words: Wore helmet. Didn't play football.

   ..... Personally, I think a man with a helmet defending his country should make a lot more money than a man with a helmet defending a football.

   Wearing a football jersey to Buffalo Wild Wings is dad cosplay.

   Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.

   No one wants to watch your Facebook live video from your crappy seats at a football game.

   When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

   I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?

   ..... Congratulations Redblacks!!! ...... Wait a minute .... What the heck is a Redblack? ..... Answer: Another Underdog ..... Who just won the Grey Cup!!! ..... OK .... It's the Canadian (People that live north of the US) ..... version of the Superbowl.

   I just saw Luke Bryan is singing the National Anthem at the Superbowl. So I thought I'd post a preview for everyone....Oh Girl can you see by my pickup's headlights what so proudly we hail on the old dirt road ...

   Patriots are going to the Superbowl....The NFL is going to assign someone to check Tom Brady's balls throughout the game....don't want that on my resume

   Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football..

   You know what would would solve the whole Kaepernick issue? If only he was a better football player...

   watching football the same way Colin Kaepernick does... sitting on my couch

   Uh, rah rah baseball people. Football season's begun. More You can stop now. Thanks.

   Who are the fallen soldiers more mad at (1) Football players who take a knee or (2) A sellout who hands over the presidency of America to Russian control?

   Players of the Houston Texans football team took a knee during the national anthem Sunday. That...is...awesome!

   College football is important but a college education is importanter!