Jitney Funny Status Messages

   She said: "I miss the old you." I know that she meant the young me

   Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff....Duh dum chhsh!

   When asked what's the capital of Greece? Greece is bankrupt and it has no capital.

   Why must I prove I'm me, if I'm callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!

   Feeling sad is better than not feeling at all. unless you into your feelings....

   She put her makeup on. I said : So this is how you become a ten. She said: So, this is why women leave you. Another one bites the dust.

   I was in the backyard with my wife.A bird dropped its poo on her shoulder. She yelled: Disgusting. .. get me paper towel or toilet paper. I looked up in the sky and said: it is probably a mile away. Plus, birds do not wipe their aasss.

   My daughter is having a modern day wedding, no church... it is 2015...Break tradition. So the wedding will at a museum...

   If you think that age is just a number, then prison is just a house .

   "Donald Trump for President" - Steve Harvey

   Columbia is going to invade phillipians......um did I spell that right? After watching the Pageant ...Im confused also

   that moment when This morning I had call 911 on the truck with the flashing lights in behind me that passed me....turns out it wasnt a cop on the phone, its was the dispatcher.

   If I win the Power Ball, I will buy two lbs of cheese from Whole Food.

   She says that she needs a bigger closet, but she has nothing to wear.

   My friend asked my advice on how to impress his date. I suggested that I go in his place.

   I was at the super market. I bought 2 dozen eggs. I only looked stupid pushing 2 baskets. I would have been really stupid If I put all my eggs in 1 basket.

   Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat

   Why are rat traps in the car-care section of this Walmart supermarket? Plenty to catch if they set it at the front of the store..

   I heard on the radio a statistic that said that one out of three women in miami is pretty. I looked to the right...wow...I looked to the left...wow...I hit the car in front of me and a woman came out...wow.. Who the hell is collecting data?

   Here's a TIP: Never ask a woman what's wrong and never not ask her either.