CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   Girls; Don't kill yourself over a boy. He'll just bring another girl to your funeral.

   Warning Ladies: Alcohol may cause the following side effects: 1. Compulsive giggling. 2. Delusions of awesomeness. 3. Temporary lesbianism.

   My dream is to become the first smart person to be interviewed by a newscaster live at a scene.

   If you were mine, your next boyfriend would thank me for straightening your clueless and inexperienced ass out.

   If you love someone, set them free. If they come back knocking on your door with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea.

   Ladies, the third outfit you try on is always our favourite because we just want all this torture and torment to end.

   After he stops crying, can I try again, I promise I can juggle babies.

   Even with all the many different types of social media, nothing beats ignoring idiots in person.

   I just told a man his breath smells like coffee beans that were dipped in shi t. He's pissed but said he'll be back with my speeding ticket.

   Ladies: If you're wearing 6-inch heels and can bend down and touch the floor without falling over, you're good to go for another drink.

   I bet bunnies would be super-stoked if we introduced them to salad dressing.

   My girlfriend will never be able to satisfy my needs because what I need is a new girlfriend.

   I just watched a dude squeeze a lime into his beer, but I'm afraid if I say anything he'll hit me with his purse.

   What's that word to describe the aching sadness of missing someone you've never met? Oh yeah, INSANITY.

   I don't trust Penguins. I know you can fly!

   I told my girlfriend that I would accompany her on her shopping trip to the mall. I have packed enough food and water to survive for three days.

   When a grammar Nazi gets sad and lonely, give them a hug and say, "There, their, they're."

   I would never make fun of a fat person at the gym. At least they are trying to do something about it and deserve cheers not jeers.

   Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today.

   I'll call you ‘mate' because saying your name would be a little bit gay - British men