Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I get very competitive at all you can eat buffets.

   White = psycho. Black = thug. Arab = terrorist. Humans = idiots.

   Keep an extra condom in your wallet, you'll never know when you have to shut her kids up with a balloon dog.

   I'm not stalking you…I got your address off the envelope sitting on your coffee table in the background of your Instagram photo.

   All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.

   If the shoe fits, don't just wear it, strut that s hit b itch.

   BET AWARDS MAYHEM - this happens every time these people get together. No, I don't mean b lack people, I mean silly rap ''artists''.

   Sorry if I hit a nerve, I was aiming for your jugular.

   Happy couples are annoying and disgusting, I hope me and my girlfriend never get happy.

   If you don't love me at my worst, good call. I wouldn't put up with me either.

   For years doctors thought I was autistic but turns out that I'm just an a$$hole.

   Let's play a cruel joke on your husband and make a baby for him.

   I'll let you hold my son before I ever let you hold my beer. Which is probably a good idea since I'll be too drunk to do it myself.

   I only phone my boss from the toilet because thats the only place where he makes any sense.

   This man needs to change. I'll whine and moan at him until he does. That'll work - Women

   You say "love means never having to say you're sorry" What I hear is that essentially your love is a narcissistic sociopathic minefield.

   All panties are edible if you're hungry enough.

   You ever wonder why it's only women who need exorcisms?

   I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work

   I don't understand why it's called a Chastity Belt. Everyone I know named Chastity is a stripper.