SEAN Funny Status Messages

   Bought my first Bluetooth last night at a gas station. Haven't used it yet but it works great. I leave it in and people no longer look at me like I'm nuts when I talk to myself.....

   It's good to see Peyton Manning doing what he does best - pretending he drives a Buick.

   I bet homeless people think we're making fun of them when we go camping.

   I gave $10 to our local Little League team, just to be called an "Athletic Supporter"

   Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.

   Do video games cause violence? Why don't you ask these teens kicking all the animals at the petting zoo hoping they burst into coins.

   Piñatas are a great way to show kids that using assault with a deadly weapon is a fun way to get what they want.

   I was pulled over for driving a Ford Tempo without a cigarette in my mouth.

   Weren't the Olympics supposed to add bum fighting this year?!

   To think, millions of children go to bed every night without knowing what their Sleep Number is.

   The Divorce Judge told me I had to give my ex-wfie a vehicle, so I just Fed-Ex'd her an old broom...

   I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn't even lift him. We high-fived & laughed.

   What is the Beach Boys song Kokomo about?

   Trying to take something out of the oven without burning myself is like playing adult Operation.

   Why doesn't Mitt's wife want to be the first lady? Because she would have to move into a smaller house

   FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"

   When my kids look back on the photos of my life they'll think, "Wow, he wore that shirt a lot."

   It's cool when a band smashes their equipment after their last song. It'd be even cooler if Creed did it before their first song.

   Congratulations to Iggy Pop who has managed to find a way to look great for his age and terrible for his age at the same time.

   To the additional pot that was on the stove after I thought I was done washing the dishes, I hate your stinkin' guts.