Jitney Funny Status Messages

   I feel a jokeke for Chris Brown and Ray Rice Rice coming up. hmmm...maybe after I finish this Brown Rice, I'll knock it out!

   Can some tell my wife......Crying is blackmailing Yes, of the simplest and most straightforward form.

   it me or this presidency has experienced more Virus out break since AIDS? Remember the Swine Flu, bird Flu, Housing Bubble Flu, Bank bail out Flu, and my favorite was when Congress Flew

   If I have to text you first every time we talk, then I'm just goign to drop and block you!

   How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

   Whenever I go to a stripclub I piont at the most slutttiest girl and say, "Hey I know you.... I use to go to church with you!"

   I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"

   Should Dave Ramsey's website take credit cards?.... I wonder...

   Walked into Walmart and met a woman who had one callus on her toe. Does that make her a unicorn? Imagine that You can see unicorns at Walmart

   If a baby comes out with an Afro, is that considered Natural child birth?

   Why are there no mirrors in the self checkout?.....Slow people, take your time to get that jokke....

   Not sure if I am getting older or if kids today are just getting retarded?....

   I realized Freedom of speech has an expiration date... -Not valid when your in a position of influence, not valid when its being use as a weapon, and definitely not valid when I've got to listen to my wife!

   "Stupid Left Shark takes one misstep during a Super Bowl and now he is famous " - Right Shark(-_-)

   Harrison Ford was lucky. Ten yards left and he's out of bounds. That's a one shot penalty, and he'd had to retake his emergency landing.

   When an ignorant person feels that he won an argument he loses. When he loses an argument, he actually wins knowledge.

   That channel is all Hawt blonds and old dudes. Every show from Fox news looks like a party scene from Weekend at Bernies

   A badasss, is an idiot who survived.

   Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it

   I love the surprised look on a woman's face when I tell her that she drew her eyebrows too high.