JAKE Funny Status Messages

   Difference between a G spot and a golf ball. Guys will search for a golf ball.

   I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.

   Before I die I'm going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.

   A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.

   Both corn and beer looks the same on the way in as they do on the way out.

   When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.

   No matter how much you shake your peg...... The last drop always goes down your leg.

   A man of few words is a married man.

   It's better for people to think you're a fool then open your mouth and remove all dout.

   Gynaecologist: A female private investigator.

   The definition of surprise: a fart with a lump in it.

   Where do crazy people ride their bikes? On a psychopath.

   Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.

   Thank you student loans for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

   My lesbian neighbors got me a timex for my birth day. But I don't think they understood when I said I wana watch.

   The cemical formula for holly water: H2 OMG

   I don't need Google...... My wife knows everything.

   Always plan ahead...... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

   You know your house is dirty when people wipe their feet when they are leaving.

   When prince charming kisses a teenage girl in a coma he's a romantic hero. When I do it I'm a pervert.