Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   If you don't feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend... you're not doing it right.

   If nobody is talking about you, you must not be a very interesting person.

   I'm going to drink so much that I find that pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.

   If you ask what I'm thinking my answer will either be so offensive you'll never ask again, or so entertaining you'll ask again minutes later.

   I saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beers you begin to see all kinds of things...

   WWE: 2 people fighting over a belt even though neither of them is wearing pants.

   I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I'm going to haunt grows everyday.

   Sometimes words are not enough. That's why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...

   If you can't tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you're an idiot.

   Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I'm gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"

   The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.

   Tiger Woods is now dating Lindsey Vonn. That man gets so much ass, if this were 1800's his slave name would be Poonta Kinte

   My girl is a serial over-reactor. You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can't go in the kitchen alone anymore.

   A girl just asked me "When a guy says GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH, what's a good comeback?" I told her, "COMEBACK with a damn sandwich."

   If you're not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever.

   I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it's two boobs.

   I've met some real pricks in my time but you my friend are the cactus.

   You young punks are sissyfied... so quick to pick up a gun and scared to take an ass whippin'

   People that tell me they never use dirty words must be boring as hell in the bedroom. What do they scream? "Touch my no-no and make me squish-squish?"

   I love when you say something that is just dripping with sarcasm and people still can't figure it out.