life Funny Status Messages

   Hangman is a great tool to teach children that if you can't spell a word, someone could lose their life because of their ignorance

   OK folks ... I have been working to unify relativity and quantum mechanics into a single unified theory of life the universe and everything........ So far I have discovered that beer is good.

   If you think your life can't get any worse, just remember...you could be Mike Tyson in a Chinese restaurant trying to order the Sweet and Sour Shrimp.

   I've reached that Stage in Life that when a Woman whispers seductively to me to, "Give it to Her" ....................................... she means my Credit Card

   Before you ask me for life advice, you should know that I make big decisions by shaking a Magic 8 Ball and cranking up Van Halen's "Jump".

   Someone asked me what is there to look forward to in life after becoming a grandfather. I said, "Smelling like mothballs."

   As a young girl she played the game Operation and dreamed about the day she could illegally harvest vital organs in real life.

   The next vote should be whether she gets life in prison or a firing squad

   #Life tip: if someone comes out of a #bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.

   Each mile you run adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 80 you can spend an extra 6 months in a nursing home at $10,000 per month.

   A cigarette shortens life by 2 min,a beer shortens life by 4 minutes,a Monday at work shortens life by 8 hours

   We might be best friends for life, but if we get chased by zombies, I will probably trip you. :)

   If life gives you melons... get a good sports bra.

   When life hands you high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, yellow 5, tocopherol, and less than 3% natural flavours.........make lemonade.

   I try to live an #adventurous life but its hard to do it with $17 disposable #income a week.

   Life is full of fake people. Before you decide to judge them, make sure you're not one of them

   Childhood is just the ‘free trial’ edition of life. When it ends, you have to pay for the full version or else you’ll lose everything.

   "Water is Life"? Don't you remember the time it tried to drown you?

   I hate when people say that ... "life is short" ..... . What the heck??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! ..... What can you do that's longer?

   Life would be a million times better if there were pinatas strategically placed throughout the day.