jitney Funny Status Messages

   That moment when spurs get a 20 point lead and I got diarrhea.....

   So when those annoying Student/Bill Debt collectors call and ask me to verify my information and this call maybe recorded for training purposes....I usually tell em my number recently changed, n give them some other debt collector's number! problem solved

   “Mom I’m bleeding”“Oh sweetie there’s" "no need to be worried it's just a sign ur becomin a woman" "Thnk God, I was really starting to get worried about this axe inmy shoulder!"

   Me: "Do you want to go out” Her: "Like on a date?" Me: "No...out on a bridge so I can push you off!"

   When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call..."America's most wanted" or Pedofiliers/Stalkers

   Chicken Omelette - a vendetta against the chicken race! Usually when a contract chicken killer who has it in for the chicken, to not only take out a hen's eggs, but to stuff it with chicken! 2 generations of chicken dead!

   Sooooo workin for TSA wasn't a good enough job so you decided to sell... Coke and make Crack at your house while the kids were there....smh

   Pringles - The only chip company in the world, that doesn't sell air!

   "You make me a better person" - Me talking to my beer!

   Kermit the frog puppets sales are up......but that's none of my business tho!

   If only you can see the Face I'm makiong ....When you add another plate in the sink while I'm washing the freakin dishes!!!!

   All these folks that use to be a Heat Fan...are now a wherever He-At fan.....

   Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memorie of all those who died here?"

   ..Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memories of all the faces that have been buried here..."

   I'm so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..

   Remember when Joan Rivers didnt look a day over $225,000

   An ancient tampon was found in a cave in the Yucatan... Archaeologists are not sure which period it's from. The Doctor said, he saw something like that during Joans Rivers operation!

   I wonder if Joan Rivers is an organ donor or a mannequin donor? ....

   I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds

   I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!