Funny Status Messages

   It doesn't matter where you go or what you do, if you don't check in on Facebook with your iPhone you were never really there.

   When visiting the plastic surgeon's office, never go for the sales rack.

   I'v got a demon in me,evrything I touch goes wrong-The Hangover 2 ♥

   so, you are what you eat. hmmm That's funny, because I haven't eaten any sexy beasts recently.

   I hate when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep" B!tch, you need to hibernate.

   When keeping it real goes bad - making an ass of yourself on your man's facebook wall while trying to mark your territory and make the hos on his friends list jealous.

   Woke up with the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed... at first I was afraid... I was petrified

   If you're physically knocking someone down to get into the Casey Anthony trial then you need a letter from a mental health specialist proving why you're unemployable

   I have come to the conclusion that people who have had their statuses disliked will go on a revenge mission and dislike other people's statuses no matter how good they are.

   That awkward moment when you run into an EX that you have purposely avoided and broke up with on FB.

   Mr. Kevorkian: Lifes a fragile thing. one minute your chewing on a burger, the next minute your dead meat...

   It takes longer than 2 years to clean up 8 years of Elephant Dung but feel free to blame it on the guy with the broom.

   I can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi, or right and wrong for that matter.

   Okay, I'll stop. But shouldn't I listen first, THEN collaborate?

   K.Y. Slip-n-Slide party at my place tonight!

   You might as well do your Christmas hinting early...

   ThatMomentOfPanic as a kid when one of your parents is coming at you with a belt..................."Do I stay or do I run!!!"

   If you aren't going to neuter your male dog then please make him wear underwear. I don't wanna see his junk anymore than I wanna see your's.

   Satisfied isnt her telling you how great you were afterwards....Satisfied is her being unable too speak afterwards...I Do Work Son!!

   I hate when I find parking space and there's already a motorcycle parked in it.