life Funny Status Messages

   This Crazy lady with Mad Road rage was yelling out her window at me Today.. "I'm gonna make your life a living hell" ...I yelled back, "Thanks but I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

   Paging Dr. Ben Carson? Dr. Ben Carson? Please come quickly as your campaign is on life support.

   Life is like soccer because my Mom signed me up for it and expects me to try my best even though I absolutely hate f*cking soccer.

   Perhaps it's about time to ask Bernie Sanders what American life was really like back in 1776.

   You know your life has gone downhill when a friend reminds you tonight to not get locked in a porta-potty again.

   My goal in life isn't to become famous or powerful like Donald Trump, my goal in life is to make enough money to eat whatever I want....

   My doctor told me to start killing people....well not exactly in those words. He said I need to reduce stress in my life.

   Life gave me onions. Onionade sucks.

   Shout out to everyone who's trying to get their life together. Working on yourself is the hardest part of life. So is wet t-shirt contests during Spring Break!!!

   Wow!!! Madonna exposes 17-year old's breat during concert, teen calls it the best moment in her life. Hmmmm....I thought all of Madonna's fans were all adults in their 40's and 50's.

   I've seen so many bathroom selfies in my life that now I cannot tell if someone is sexy in real life unless they are standing near a toilet.

   My dream in life is to be a guest on the Maury show.

   My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support

   Whenever I see someone walking around with a selfie stick, I always wonder what happened for them to just give up on life like that.

   College kids please choose a career in something you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because that dream job isn't hiring....

   Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever. Bartenders, they are called bartenders.

   geta Life opinions can be hilarious. Like thinking yours is going to stop us.

   I like to believe that somewhere out there the British Lindsay Lohan (from the Parent Trap movie) has managed to live a more stable life.

   Taking your kids to work is a great way to combine the two most annoying things in your life.

   Dear anonymous teenager in Starbucks ... If your first phone cost more than your parents' first car, your life probably doesn't suck as much as you think.