Funny Status Messages

   I wish some people could just look at there own true colors of there character and see what an ugly picture they are painting with it.

   I only date Calendars.

   "God has a sense of humor. Don't believe me?... go to Walmart and just look at people."

   Snookie is so small and orange she works part time as a highway traffic cone!

   When girls or any women ask you "What?" In reply, it isnt cause they didnt hear you. Its because they giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said.

   If you are talking behind my back you are in a great position to kiss my a@s

   Can you imagine how fast those clowns who make balloon animals can roll a joint.

   Loving my new underwear...at least somethings gripping my ass

   I'm a little disappointed.. I set three boobytraps last night and didn't catch any!

   Oh, there's so much nudity on TV, I just sit there shaking my fist.

   Its better to have a long distance relationship as phone calls are cheaper than fuel prices

   The question isn't "Will Sarah Palin run in 2012?", it's "Who will be President in 2014 when she quits?"..

   That moment of panic when you clog someone else's toilet and you realize that don't have a plunger in the bathroom!!

   If the world's a stage, maybe some of us should get off.

   The funny thing about life is, it can change your worst problem into the funniest joke. It just needs time.

   •Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

   •I have an amazing ability! I find objects just before people lose them. The police, however, call it theft.

   i love the people who say their company is priceless!!.. to me if it lacks a price, it more likely worthless!!

   Got "White Boy Wasted" last night..  it's only right I go see The Hangover Part II today..  :)

   That moment of panic when you accidentally hurt someone else's child and the parents are in the next room