huck Funny Status Messages

   If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “that's messed up” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help

   Fun thing to do #47 When you see someone on one knee tying their shoe stand in front of them and say "YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES"

   Saw a guy in a trucker hat, with a handle bar moustache, wearing a bowtie, carrying a stack of records with an iguana on his shoulder walking down the street. Didn't think it was possible to OD on hipster

   Boss: So, tell me your greatest weakness Me: Honesty Boss: I don't think that's a weakness Me: I don't really care what you think.

   Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking

   The first rule of Illiteracy Club is no reading. That was a test, and you failed. You're failing now. You're not welcome in Illiteracy Club.

   I don't talk to myself. My dog is generally around.

   Really, Fresh Prince's mother? One little fight and you ship him across the continent? You won't get a "#1 Mom" mug from me, I assure you.

   How to avoid getting the short end of the stick? Just stop sharing sticks! There are enough sticks out there that you can have your own.

   You haven’t seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting.

   If there is anything I learned from 80's movies it's that I'm the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down

   Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow I bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just plain old gardening facts.

   A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”

   The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do a dramatic removal

   FACT: I do my best proofreading after I hit send.

   Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”

   My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.

   Saw a guy wearing a backwards, upside down visor. I assume he DOESN'T want to block sun but DOES want to collect rain.

   I love everybody. Even you, insecure person reading this hoping someone loves you … even you.

   Amnesia sounds so relaxing.