Funny Status Messages

   Some people would be in such good shape if they ran as much as their mouth does

   The only reason nice guys finish last is because they're holding the door for everyone else.

   ... and just think what the accent will be like on that Hispanic Schwarzenegger kid

   WOW!!!! Gas is $3.85 what happened to $3.99? I can finally stop getting money out of my savings just to get gas

   Zombie squirrels will feast on your nuts.

   I just winked at myself in my side view mirror...I must have my game on!?

   no it is not daughters week, or son's week or mothers or fathers week! If ya really give a sh!t about them, go to their house, look them in the eye and tell them!

   The wife and I to spice things up have been getting into S&M. But it can be dangerous so you have to have a safety word. Mine is "bor....ing"

   I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...

   The cops came at my house last night and told me my dogs had been chasing someone on a scooter. I told them off. My dogs don't even have a scooter..

   Women who bleach their mustaches, clearly don't understand the problem with mustaches.

   For sale. One Afghan bed, no longer required as owner has gone to sea. Looks new but it has bin laid in.

   Remember, don't text while being raptured.

   I got their girl going down like the ps3 network!

   Jennifer Anistons dog Normam dies -CNN... CNN, Dude seriously! www.whocares.com

   I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages

   Why cant I find Stephen Hawkings new techno album 'heaven is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark' on Itunes?????

   Just choked on someone's fart cloud in the computer lab. The Rapture can't come soon enough.

   The sucky thing about rapture is that I was totally going to start a workout regime THAT NIGHT. Stupid end of days.

   There is no such thing as instant experience.