life Funny Status Messages

   Have you tried sitting on the bench? - my life coach

   guys, big red flag when a girl only life accomplishment is being a mom.

   Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!

   Before Facebook I used to have a life. Now I can't even remember the name of my two... no wait, sorry, three kids.

   I have come to the conclusion that I need more whipped cream in my life.

   One smile, can start a friendship. One word, can end a fight. One look, can save a relationship. One person can change your life.

   Remember when there was nothing to check and no device to check it on and all you did was live your life?

   They praise and call Brice brave for changing into a woman. They hail it as an achievement. This world has really gone to the dogs. I remember a time when bravery was risking your life fighting against the Nazi. Achievement was landing on the moon.

   Sometimes life is cruel and other times you're unconscious.

   my life coach told me to just let the clock run out!

   "Same Sh*t different day" doesn't describe the day. It describes your life.

   It's also amazing how someday, someone walks out of your life and you wonder how the hell you lived with them!!

   Just watched a guy walk down the street eating a bowl of cereal. That guy has life figured out.

   If you're not having a blast, you're doing life wrong.

   Me: I wish my life were more exciting Alcohol: Have another drink and call your ex

   I can't tell what's currently doing worse, my love life or my bank account

   I've been on a million first dates in my life, but there is still no rejection like a toddler refusing to high five you back...

   I never thought the thug life would involve so many bills.

   My parents told me I wasn't a planned child...That explains why my life isn't going according to plan!

   I drink a shot of whiskey a day as a toast to the great life I've lived. I finish the bottle for other reasons.