Funny Status Messages

   "I like my popcorn a little burnt". No, you don't. You just suck at making popcorn

   "If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?"

   - I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

   The only reason I would want to see Donald Trump elected as president is so we could see what his hair does when he gets off of that big helicopter...

   My mates a transvestite - He likes to eat, drink and be Mary

   "You only live once, so don't think twice" (",)

   "The biggest mistake you can make is being afraid to make one" (",)

   The only way I would honestly be able to say you are "hot" is if you were set on fire.

   "Prince Williams bachelor party musta been awkward. Imagine stuffing bills in some strippers thong and they all got a picture of Grandma on em."

   I would've went to the wedding just to wear one of those cool hats...

   I have curves and i'm not afraid to use them.!!!

   I'd like to get one thing straight....My Son.

   Fine England, you have princes and princesses, but we have OBAMA.......Oh wait.........;)

   I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

   3 words, 8 letters. 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, one emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU!

   Once a pun a time, my jokes didn't suck!

   it me or does Harry look like the bully from A Christmas Story?

   seeing William and Harry all decked out in their uniforms yesterday.. I kept expecting them to break into that Sondheim tune from "Into The Woods" AGONY!

   Lol @ the dude buying condoms and getting his card declined. He just got c**k blocked by Visa.

   Even a fish can escape being caught, if it keeps it's mouth shut.