g0re Funny Status Messages

   It would be amazing if all restaurants had to end their URLs with ".nom"

   Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this b!tch, eating those crackers like she owns the place!"

   Sluts are like Gary; they only like you for the cookie in your pants.

   It's kind of disappointing when you're reading someone's bio on any site and are somewhat interested, but then you reach the end and it says you don't like me, then PISS OFF!!!" Well, that was rude

   Life is just a long, sick game of "Would you rather."

   If you think about it, most of your friendships stay in the "humor zone", where silences are awkward and must be resolved with laughs. Deep friendships allow you to be yourself instead of just a comedian.

   the people who you babysit for, you should poke holes in all the condoms and ensure yourself at least five more years of babysitting money.

   If there was ever a Titanic themed party and you couldn't figure out what to go as, you could always go as an iceberg and crash the party.

   The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"

   It would be funny to make your facebook status "OMG IT ACTUALLY WORKS" and then 5 minutes later make another facebook status that says "Well, I'm gonna test out this time machine",

   Two men walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies

   Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a convicted pedophile. Not me though, I live next to two stunning 12 year olds.

   Kids in math problems have way too much time on their hands. Like seriously Avi? You're going to calculate the angle at which you need to ride your bike to get to Market Street? Get a girlfriend or something.

   You know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.

   Whoever said that nothing rhymes with orange clearly doesn't know the correct pronunciation of 'nothing,'

   I bet you're naked under those clothes... You slut

   So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. Shes funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop, how cool is that for someone her age?

   Midnight bathroom trip...eyes forward, avoid mirrors, happy thoughts.

   Best way to handle insults? Accept them! ex: "You're so ugly!" "Tell me about it." or "You're an idiot!" "Yeah, it's a problem..".

   No one can change a person, but someone can be a persons reason to change. - Spongebob.