aaron Funny Status Messages

   Let's go some place were we can each be alone

   I am constantly washing my hands just in case I am required to deliver a baby in a broken elevator.

   I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work.

   I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.

   The rules were already broken when I got here.

   When dressing up for Halloween, disguise the limit.

   "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be telling me to stop."... thought the Dog.

   I can't believe Google is c0cky enough to start guessing after one letter.

   Anybody wanna come and drink dinner with me?

   Life is a journey, with plenty of stops at the liquor store to make it bearable.

   Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.

   I'm in one of those moods that only a virgin sacrifice will appease.

   If I were a pilot I would scream "WE'RE GOING DOWN" every time I landed the plane.

   I'm no longer addicted to carving jack-o-lanterns. All thanks to the pumpkin patch.

   I'm ok with my masculinity, enough to eat a Blow Pop in public. But I won't swallow the gum.

   I'll be spending most of today putting Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.

   It's really hard raising a child by yourself, I don't know how my T.V. does it.

   "Hi, one ticket for 'The Social Network,' please."

   Anyone who says laughter is the best medicine has never had morphine.

   So I'm giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)