SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I think if my rich neighbor realized just how awesome of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation.

   Facebook is like a relationship, once you think you have it all figured out, everything changes.

   Making love is like making pancakes. When done on one side, flip over to finish.

   *Food hits ground* Germ: “GET IT!!!” King germ: “No, you have to wait at least 5 seconds!”

   Beer commercials never show anyone drunk. Not after a divorce, being fired or losing a child in a tragic loose trophy shelf accident.

   Remember, life isn't about accumulating stuff. It's about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.

   Going to Mark Zuckerberg's house to move around all his furniture and see how he likes it!

   I've decided to get in shape. The shape will be “potato”.

   Your call to action went straight to voicemail.

   Now that "Don't Ask Don't Tell" is repealed, is it okay to admit I like the song "Drops of Jupiter?"

   Just had a very positive experience with Verizon Customer Service. What the hell is this world coming to?

   Unfollow, Unfriend, & Delete are the Stop, Drop & Roll safety instructions when it comes to the internet's most annoying people.

   I just saw Tom from MySpace on Google +... You know the site sux when the sites creator hauls a$$!

   Just got off the phone with my bookie. If the space junk hits any of the members of Nickelback I will be a very wealthy man.

   My advice for pretty much anything that's broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".

   I removed my windshield wipers and now I don't get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!

   I have the nose hair of a much older, more powerful man.

   It's impossible for me to dance without making the "I'm the sh!t" face.

   Find a penny pick it up, and all day long you'll have significantly raised the odds of contracting a bacterial ailment.

   Sometimes I meow back at cats.