LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

   ...is a Vagitarian. :-)

   How is getting a bj from a 75-year lady like bungee jumping? Whatever you do,don't look down!

   ..to me, a Super Bowl is one that's full of snacks that I don't have to share.

   Facebook isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble

   When I was little, we used to play a game called "knock and run" where you knock on someone's door and run away before they answered. Nowadays, it's known as "Parcelforce"

   John Terry explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

   ..lost £50 on the Super Bowl. That's the last time I bet on a horse.

   ..oh dear. Some special ed class somewhere is missing a student..

   I laugh in the face of danger, then I hide until it goes away.

   February. It's not a leap year, but feel free to take a flying one anyway.

   Farmville? Meh..just wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville"..

   If I didn't use the bus,i would never have a man opening a door for me.

   I taught my dog to beg today. He came back with £12.75.

   Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.

   I played a country music song backwards. I got my truck back,my house back,my dog back..

   When she asked me "What kind of idiot are you?" it took me awhile to realize it wasn't a Facebook quiz.

   All you need is love. And Valentines Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.

   I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows

   Thanks to modern medicine, people can be sexually active long past the age when anyone wants to see them naked.