Jitney Funny Status Messages

   "I think I can get you a dollar....You gotta be quicker than that" - Geico Fisherman Guy Commercial

   You ever look at someone and daydream about them in the most erotic way....yeah that was me today dreaming about my female co-worker shutting the eff up and fixing me a sandwich to eat......

   I had to switch to the Ipad to see what you wrote on FB.....I just turn it on, and I could of sworn I saw a middle finger come up at the beginning of the screen before it died again...

   George Zimmerman has been back and forth to jail for murder, battery, gun charges and now assault and Still keeps getting bail!?!? The Florida justice system is an embarrassment

   Its that time of the year where the work office decides to do secret santa again and this time its under $25....I'm getting my co-worker a pack tooth brush with about $30 worth of tooth paste!

   For Thxgiving, sent out a noticed to all my wierd family to BYOF menu...that's Bring Your Own Food, cuz I cant keep up with all the Vegans, gulton-free, diabetics, sugarfree, only-carbs diet, no-carbs diet, and the no water diet people in my family.

   All this negativity in the world and I still remain Positive! -Magic Johnson

   Oh great now the bill collector is blowing up my phone cuz he thought we got accidentally disconnected....

   Looks like the driver owes Walker a 10 second car now

   I'm furious at how fast people jokkke about celebrity deaths on the internet.

   Can Ford stop running Black friday ads already...its freaken Sunday already you a-holes!

   For the young folks who don't know who Nelson Mandela is, he was like the Cliff Huxtable to South Africa's Theo.

   RIP the great #NelsonMandela. Morgan Freeman played you in a film & now you will meet God. Also played by Morgan Freeman.

   If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world

   "Try googling Google and then hit lucky.....then Bing Bing, and Yahoo Yahoo. If you really bored Bing Google then Google Bing Yahoo" - me at the bar talking to a nerdy girl drunk!

   Buying someone $1 lottery ticket as a gift and tell them ..."but what if you win".... and look at them light up, while hiding the fact giving them a dollar says they are not worth it!

   Craziest superstition I ever heard - whatever you doing when the New Years come, that's gonna what you do for the rest of the year! So does anyone wanna go drinking with me on New Years?

   WORK THIS WEEK??? - My MIND TELLING me NOOOOOoooo!!!, but my wallet telling me...dude You need more alcohol!!

   Well the pilots of Southwest Airlines claiming Gov Christ Christie close the Rnuway, so they aint no where to go!

   "Didn't realize their was alot of great looking women around here!" - Me hanging out at traffic school1