Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.

   What doesn't kill you is probably a poison made in China.

   When is decency going to be cool again?

   Many women say a guy who makes them laugh is all they want. They fail to mention all the things it takes to put them in the mood to laugh.

   It's impossible for a woman to say 'I'm not overreacting' without screaming.

   My wife hates it when I drink. Or breathe.

   Relationships are all about finding someone that completely trusts you. In other words, naive.

   I asked my mom one time why I was white and she was black. She said, " the way I remember the party you're lucky you don't bark."

   Booze may be a man's worst enemy… but only a coward runs from his enemy.

   Today is the sixth of September, also known as 6/9. A calendar somewhere must be having fun right now.

   I only fall for women that are cold, damaged and empty inside. That way I don't get accused of up a good thing.

   Oh for god sake, just fall in love with me already so I can stop acting normal.

   If you develop a rash from your new girlfriend then discontinue use immediately.

   So broke right now, if a thief robbed me, he'd just be practicing.

   We're all sex addicts. Some of us just have better dealers.

   When a woman says "the girls" I automatically assume she is talking about her boobs, not her actual friends.

   My wife said "Good morning " and that's how the fight started.

   How in the hell do Chinese people see when they're high?

   People who like their jobs probably don't think oral sex is necessary either.

   I just tell ugly girls I have a paper bag fetish.