BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.

   My girlfriend just said that I put sports before our relationship. Bull$hit. It’s our sixth season together.

   When in a relationship, a real man doesn't make his woman jealous of others, he makes others jealous of his woman

   Love can be such a beautiful torture...

   "Hello modelling agency?" "Yeah,one of my Facebook friends has 189 likes on photo and yes she is half naked I think she is ready to go pro."

   I give my number to this hot sexy as@ bi#ch.. She said I will call you when I get home, I think that bit$h homeless..

   At some point you outgrow feelings and you outgrow people. Its nothing personal. Its part of human nature. As much as we would want it to, nothing lasts forever.

   Sometimes you have to dream in the middle of a nightmare.

   You know I don't care about losing some people that don't wanna be in my life anymore, I lost people that meant the WORLD to me and I am still doing just fine.

   People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.

   Call me traditional, but marriage should stay between a woman afraid of being alone & a man who finally caves after years of her pressure.

   Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.

   You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you're worthless.

   Nice try "blocked" number, but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.

   Girls who are obsessed with celebrities need to get a life

   Starbucks will provide free college education to thousands of employees. Unfortunately the diplomas will have their names misspelled.

   where did all these feelings come from and where can I put them

   My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.

   You know my name, not my story. You’ve heard what I’ve done, not what I’ve been through. If you were in my shoes, you’d fall the first step.

   Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.