love Funny Status Messages

   "From Russia with Love." -Donald Trump's New Campaign Slogan

   Love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses.

   I can't imagine anyone let alone the B-52's walked outta the Love Shack STD free.

   Just ate a cheese stick wrapped in salami that I bought from 7-11 but I still feel like I deserve God's love.

   Couple beside me in the restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom.

   Love Halloween, seeing all the monsters and the scary imagery. Then I turn off the campaign ads and wait for the trick-or-treaters.

   Love how Disney movies teach you that you can be anyone you want, as long as it's a princess.

   For the next week, out of great love and respect, I'm calling my willy Wonka.

   A lot of women love the "bad boy" mentality, so today I wore tennis shoes but had no intention of playing tennis.

   Today, famous author Elizabeth Gilbert of "Eat, Pray, Love" fame revealed she left her husband for her female best friend. Future plans include a sequel to the best-selling book entitled "Eat, Pray, Scissor."

   Really hate crime but I love true crime docs so I'm at a real impasse here.

   Love the samples at Costco, however I think of them more as tapas you have to fight strangers to the death over.

   Nothing tests the love for your children like being awoken at 2 AM with a Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat kick to the sternum.

   The Love Boat was my favorite 80's TV show about senior citizens infecting each other with STD's on the open seas.

   I show my coffeemaker the same love and affection you show your soul mate. And mine doesn't talk back.

   Driving 42 miles to buy the same apples I could get 50% cheaper at the local grocery store 2 miles from my house is the reason why I absolutely love Autumn.

   Things I like about Autumn is slipping on a leaf that was hiding a piece of dog poop beneath it. Love that!!!

   I'm so jazzed .... It's obvious that Angelina DID get that letter I sent her claiming my undying love for her!! Still trying to figure out why it took her four years to divorce the Scmuck tho.

   Don't listen to Billy Joel's piano man. It turns out that making love to your Tonic & Gin will get you thrown out of the bar.

   FYI....If you are one of those who like the strong silent type....then you're gonna just love my farts!!