BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Im not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.

   I'm a lover of music and music has never betrayed me.

   Ladies, if you suspect your man of cheating and you know where the "mystery" woman lives... drive by the house and if the WiFi connects you have your answer.

   It's hard to be your prince charming when you'd rather just fool around with all 12 of the dwarves.

   Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.

   1920: “May I have this dance?” 1950: “Want to go to the drive-in?” 1980: “What’s your sign?” 2014: “Here’s a picture of my dong.”

   People glorify being single because you can sleep with anyone you want. In reality you can only sleep with the people who want to sleep with you. That’s a very different number.

   "She's so ugly, how does she have a boyfriend?"... Maybe she has an amazing personality and her boyfriend isn't a judgemental c%nt like you.

   Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drink get colder. Music gets louder. Night get longer. Life gets Better.

   Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.

   The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

   At my age, Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing.

   I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”

   It scares me that some of you have children.

   I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.

   I don’t have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow

   When the girl working the counter says “would you like fries with that?” say..”are you calling me fat??” then burst into tears. Free meal.

   If I was in that Malaysian airplane my wife would find it in 10 minutes..

   Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.

   I swear I am tired of Hearing SOME Females be like: I am mixed with Black, Dominican, White and Indian. Shut your Ass up you are sounding like a damn science experiment to me.