love Funny Status Messages

   Love yourself. But, not in public. That's illegal.

   Gotta love a woman who can hand you your own ass.....

   I'd love to have a deep meaningful discussion with my daughter but I'm not that good at emojis.

   Everyone knows it's "Private eyes", single clap, "They're watching you", double clap. Now,church choir, for the love of God, get your crap together.

   If you love something set it free, if it comes back set it free again because nobody else loved it either

   Pro Tip: 84% of my adult life is singing the chorus from Boyz 2 Men's "I'll Make Love To You" at the most inappropriate time.

   I love yoga class. Except my yoga class is on my couch with a donut and instead of stretching, I cramp up due to lack of activity.

   Listen. I love you all and understand you have the right to your ideas and opinions. But I am sick to death of the posts congratulating the Pittsburgh Penguins. Have you no decency?

   Love ordering from the menu by reading the description, not the item. "Yes, I'll have the two long ground corn tamales stuffed with pork."

   This Friday, Finding Dory will be release in theaters as well as Season 4 of Orange is the new Black on Netflix. One is about the adventures of a lost soul in a sea of fish searching for love. The other is made by Pixar.

   I love when I can see a grown adult be happier than a kid in a candy store and the candy is shaped like toys!!!

   Love becomes weak if it is not strengthened by truth. Truth becomes hard if it is not softened by love.

   You have to figure that Shaquille O'Neal never signs greeting cards "Love, Shaq" because that band the B-52's came out with that song and pretty much ruined it for him.

   My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

   "Scots love me and I love those haggis smelling weirdos who wear those little girlie skirts!" -Trump, eventually, during his Scotland trip.

   Tell someone you love them today, because life is too short. But shout it to them in Russian, because life is also extremely terrifying and very confusing.

   Hey England: Every Brexit You Take. I Will Always Love EU. Un Brexit my heart. With Or Without EU. Straight outta Currency. Britain on the Dock of Decay. Since UK Been Gone.

   Love going on brewery tours. It's fun watching drunk people pretend to understand science.

   Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.

   When I was a kid I thought Independence Day & July 4th was about fireworks & having fun. T'wasn't until I answered the call and fought for her that it was really about Duty - Honor Love of Country but most of all the Love of Freedom...GOD BLESS AMERICA!