lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Politicians are like diapers: they need to be changed frequently and for the same reason.

   Some things are best kept between you and your neighbours. Like a fence.

   It's not the minutes that we spend sitting at the table that puts on weight. It's the seconds.

   "GATES PLEDGES $10 BILLION FOR VACCINES." Hope it's to fight viruses in windows.

   I hate when women say their body is "shaped like a Coke bottle" and fail to mention that bottle is a 3 liter.

   ..5p from every voodoo doll she sells is going towards the Haitian quake relief. The Gordon Brown one is selling like hotcakes..

   A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.

   It's Groundhog Day. But enough about the school menu.

   I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker.

   The best part about living in a small town is when I don't know what i'm doing,someone else does.

   ..is working on her bad intentions since the road to Hell is paved with good ones.

   Hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.

   You may attract more flies with honey. But you also attract bears. And those things can rip you to shreds!

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   ..thinks you look fabulous! Who did it and how much?

   Disney World : A people's trap operated by a mouse.

   Just started the all donut diet, or as I like to call it, Glazed Anatomy.

   They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

   Kentucky man wins 128 million dollar lottery. Says he will share winnings with his wife and sister. Lucky woman!

   A pat on the back is just a few centimeters away from a kick in the ass.