Aaron Funny Status Messages

   Normal people are weird.

   I've never seen a shark throw up. That might be something.

   The first step to recovery is admitting that you're a problem.

   Fools rush in... and get the best seats in the house.

   I'm so mean, I make my fish watch me eat pizza. And don't offer any.

   The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

   It's always awkward when you run into your ex with a car.

   I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits.

   I would love to start working out, but I'm beefing up for my "before" picture.

   For Halloween I'm going to be a 6. Who wants to be my 9?

   Today doesn't have that new day smell.

   I confine my exercise to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck.

   Snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach.

   "Now, how's he gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that?"... thought the spider.

   No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.

   Might get my balls botoxed today.

   My face is sore from making my angry face all day.

   Laying on my TV watching the couch. I needed to switch things up a bit.

   I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

   I wish I had a lower I.Q., so that I could enjoy your company.