bego Funny Status Messages

   I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.

   Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.

   Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.

   I just saw one of my friends on Facebook post a status like. MY DAUGHTER MUST BE SO POPULAR I HEAR PHONE VIBRATING ALL NIGHT.. A okkkk its not a phoneee

   Boys Laugh at what they put Girls through but they wont be laughing when they are wiping tears off their Daughters face for the same reason.

   Dont forget to pay your taxes this year so the Government can give it to people that dont work as hard as you...

   Back in my day we also drank underage, we just weren't stupid enough to take photos of our illegal actions and then display them for all to see..

   Teach your kids about taxes and social security by taking 30% of their Halloween candy and promising to give part of it back in 70 years.

   If you are someone who insists on talking on the phone rather than texting, I’m sorry but, we can’t be friends

   I Shout out to all the beautiful women who don't need to dress half naked to get a mans attention.. Stay classy!!

   If I pass you my phone to see a photo and you scroll through my other pics, they'll never find your body.

   A psychology study suggests that when you are single, all you see are happy couples, When you are committed, you see happy singles.

   Everyone grows old but not everyone grows up.

   Why do I have to play 20 questions with the gas pump, before I can pump my gas?

   Life is weird. First you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again.

   Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out.

   People who have more than 10 items in the express line… Well Fu#k you to

   Hearing “I miss you” from the right person is a great feeling.

   Do you want to be right or happy?

   Skinny jeans should not have pockets.