bego Funny Status Messages

   "instagram are you okay?" "yeah i'm vine" "what was that" "i said i'm fine"

   R.I.P. to all my ex's.. The funeral will be held at "Never Again Christian Church" On the corner of "I'm done Road" & "F*ck you Avenue"

   DO NOT TEXT ME WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING I’m not trying to be the last unfinished message they find when your as% is wrapped around a tree.

   I have a smart phone with a dumbass battery.

   I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life..

   Myspace: Died a couple of years ago. Facebook: In the hospital. Twitter: At the strip club throwing ones at the big booty hoes.

   Scenes from "The Exorcist" could have been filmed in my car while I'm stuck in traffic.

   To my American friends 9/11 will never be forgotten. ... much like 7/11/95 to my countrymen in Bosnia...RiP to all 8.980 that lost their lives in Srebrenica massacer and may God be with their families

   "Mom I'm Pregnant" White Mom: "WE HAVE TO GET YOU ON 16 & PREGNANT!" Black Mom: " I Done Told Yo Fast Ass Sleepin Around , We Going To Maury"

   Whoever wants to kill anybody, should probably do so in Florida you will be free.

   70% of Americans are on prescription drugs. If you find that number depressing, talk tou your doctor about Cymbalta.

   Men and women have different ways of cleaning a toilet. Women use bleach and rinse twice.We man just pee on the poop stains as hard as we can..

   McDonalds is opening their first restaurant in Vietnam next year. McDonalds slogan "loving you long time"!!!

   This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China..

   Netflix is like meth for people who hate doing things

   It’s almost August and I’ve accomplished nothing.

   If two people are happy together... you leave them the fu&k alone.

   I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbour mowing the lawn. I figured he just have to mow aound me, I'm not moving.

   Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun.

   0 = The amount of care about your Candy Crush progress.